Feelings

Well let's see where to start. Jen and I spent some quiet time together a couple of weeks ago and it was the greatest time we have had in a long time. We became even closer, though I didn't think it possible to get much closer. I am so connected to Jen on a level that I have never been connected to anyone before. We think and say the same things at the same time, and we do it more and more frequently. More so than random chance ever could be counted on. I have never been one to rush home from work even when I was married to the dragon lady and had the kids at home and certainly not since then except if I knew I was going to be alone in the house. I find myself rushing home from work just to be with Jen and T. When I'm home alone I wander from room to room and fidget alot not really sure what to do with myself. In the past I would have no trouble finding something to do at home alone, usually it involved a movie in surround sound very loud. Now I find myself not really wanting to get involved in watching a movie unless Jen is here with me. Also in the past I couldn't wait to get off to work and just be alone in my van and cruising around, now I hate going to work and just want to stay home. Things for me have really changed for the better since being with Jen. For instance other than an occasional drink I don't drink at all anymore, in the past it was not uncommon for me to finish off a fifth or larger of Cutty Sark whiskey or a big bottle of DiSorono or Baily's. There are occasions that I have the taste for a drink but don't really don't have the urge to have one. Another change is that I sleep through the night vice being awake at 1 or 2 am and then being up until about 430 or 5 am and then catching a cat nap until I went in to work. I would also go through a bottle of rolaids in about a week to 2 weeks now a bottle lasts me months. Plus let's not forget the headaches, I would chew migrain stuff like it was candy and now I only take some in a great while usually due to muscle strain in my neck. Yes my life has changed for the better. I know Jen can't understand it, as I was living in a big house, had money so to speak, etc. etc. but I only rented the house it wasn't mine and I had no hopes of ever owning it. As for money I didn't have that much as the bills didn't always get paid on time and then the electricity and cable were always getting shut off and we would have to pay a few hundred to get them turned back on. I never smiled or laughed and now I smile and laugh all the time (Jen doesn't think I smile enough or really at all but she really didn't see me before) All in all my life has gotten soooo much better that it isn't funny. I am finally with somebody that I love more than life itself and actually want to be with and I really can't stand being away from her. Hell I can't even sleep in bed if she isn't at least in the house. Before I could crawl in the bed and sleep just fine. A big change.
On a sad note my mom still isn't talking to me over what Tracy told her, even though I have tried to have her see it my way. For the past 2 years I have received no correspondence from her even though I have sent her a couple of letters. I think I'm going to sit down and draft another letter to her and hope that she will at least send me a return note. My sister isn't really talking to me either the only one who is corresponding to me is my brother Kevin and even that isn't with any regularity. In the end it's just Jen, T and I against the world.
Looking back at everything I wouldn't change anything and would do it all over again just to be with Jen. I have never known anyone like or had anyone make me feel the way she does. I love her with all my heart and soul, she is truly my soul mate.

Christmas

Well the Christmas season is upon us and again I'm very disappointed. I feel like I've let Jen and Tristin down. I can't get them anything I want to. I feel like I'm just a burden to them and I'm one of those guys that just spends all of Jen's money and then says oh well. I don't like asking for anything as it makes me feel bad. I love Jen and Tristin with all my heart and soul. We had a great weekend last weekend. Jen and I relaxed in bed and watched some movies and were able to reconnect with each other. Something we haven't really been able to do lately. Then yesterday it all came crashing down as we were overdrawn and since my ex gets most of my check it once again created tension between us. What confuses me is that one minute Jen says to let it go and just pay her and then she says "well when your reduction goes through" etc. . At this point I'm hoping and praying that it will go through. In the meantime Tristin and Jen are having to do without because of me. I don't like that at all. There is so much that I want for us but am unable to as I don't make enough and the hours that I have aren't conducive to a second job. I wish I knew where to turn. She tells me that I'm not a burden and yet I still feel like one, how do I overcome that? She also tells me that Debby will always be in my life. I don't think so, once child support is over I'm changing all the phone numbers and not giving them out. That part of my life is over and in the past and that is where it will stay is in the past.
On another note Jen is really troubled by my past. She is under the impression that I have slept with hundreds of women when in fact it probably doesn't equal 10 total. Yes I did sleep with a couple of women in Ohio when I was out there for training but that was maybe 3 women total. I keep telling her that I didn't go to Ohio as often as she thinks I did. I only went there about 10 times and like I said only had the 3. She is greatly troubled by this and I don't know how to put her at ease. Hopefully with time she will she that she has nothing to worry about. I love Jen with all my heart. After our talk last weekend I find it hard to believe that somebody else has pretty much had the same past as I had. Never good enough and pretty much taken for granted. She keeps telling me that I know everything. Well truth of it is what I know I've had to teach myself as there was nobody to teach me. What I've learned I've had to so that I could get by. Jen makes me out to be this great worldly person when in fact I'm just some guy getting by. Well enough for now I've some things to do around the house before I head out to work.

Still

Well just when I think things are starting to go good between us we each go to work and it all seems to fall apart during the day. Jen is currently feeling like she isn't good enough at anything at all. That is just soooo far from the truth it isn't funny. I wish Jen was more like me and just turn all that stuff off and just live in the moment and take each day one hour at a time, one day at a time. I keep telling her to keep the faith and that it will all work out eventually. However she doesn't see that and let's things keep getting to her and piling up. I'm not sure who has the right approach me or her. I love Jen with all my heart and want to spend the rest of my life with her. However there are times when I feel that she doesn't share my feelings in this area and would rather just live alone with her and just Tman. I have never been so happy in my life as I have been this past year with Jen and Tristin. I have never laughed as much. I have completely stopped drinking all together and only have one in a blue moon. Compared to my fifth of scotch every 3 or 4 days I would say it's a great improvement.
Of course my mom still isn't talking to me and there isn't really much I can do about that. My nieces wedding is in 5 days and I will not be attending. I don't see how I can go back up there and just act like everything is alright when it isn't. In fact they have pretty much turned their backs on me and put me out of their thoughts and lives. The one that surprises me the most is my mom. I would have never thought my mom would do something like this to me, but I know she could do it to her "friends", I've seen it done. I have sent her letters all with no response whatsoever. Again for the 2nd year in a row no birthday card from my mom. To top it all off I have received no emails or cards or any other type of correspondence from anybody other than a birthday card from my brother and sister in a year. Yet they will profess how much they love me and how much they want me back in their lives when in fact it is them who have driven me from their lives. Oh well not much I can do about it. I have tried and they still refuse to and hide behind excuses so until they come around this is how it will be.
As far as me coming here to Florida with Jen and Tristin, I feel that it was the best decision that I have ever made in my life. I have a loving wife and son and a life that I have always dreamed about. Granted we aren't rich but we aren't poor either. I wouldn't trade my life here with Jen for anything or anyone ever. I have never felt and been so connected to anyone in my life as I am with Jen. We have the same thoughts and ideas at the same time and it's just not coincidence it happens more times than not. I am hoping someday that Jen and I can put all this CS and divorce stuff behind us and move on with our life together at a greater speed than we are doing now. Well it's getting late and I'm tired so I'm going to hit the hay, I will write more later on.

Progress

Well it seems that Jen and I are making some progress. We had a wonderful weekend together and took Tman to the zoo. We have spent the last week or so just really trying to focus on us and not let anything undo what we have together. There are still some rough spots but we are smoothing them out and doing things to bring us closer together. A friend of ours who really doesn't know me at all and I've only known for about a year or said that Jen is exactly what the doctor ordered for me as he can see ( as well as lots of other people have said this as well) just how much in love we are and how much I love Jen. Well it's true I love Jen more than life itself. She is my one bright shining star that keeps me going and gives me purpose. She is everything to me. When we are together nothing else in the world matters. I love her with all my heart and soul.

Lonely

Well today is the first day that I feel so utterly lonely and alone. Jen is shutting me out of her life and putting up this wall between us. I'm not sure how to break through it, at one time I thought I had broken the wall down but then with all this child support stuff the wall has come back up again. I try to pretend not to notice and act like there isn't a wall between us but it is getting harder and harder. In the old days I would just immerse myself in work or one of my hobbies or just plain veg out and have a few drinks until I was numb and no longer felt anything. Well not of that appeals to me. We are supposed to be taking Tristin to the zoo on Saturday and even though I'm hoping for a happy time I know there will be tension between us. Right now all I can do is trust in God to see us through this. Everything I try I feel doesn't matter or does no good. I keep sending her ecards and she doesn't even acknowledge that she got them unless I ask her. It's like she has given up on us.I miss Jen so much. I really miss the easiness we had with each other and how we just loved each other. Now I feel like she doesn't really care or really wants me around. We used to touch all the time and were pretty much inseparable but lately we hardly touch at all. I feel like I'm just marking days on a calendar instead of living the life I had just a few short months ago. I don't really have anybody that I can turn to for advice or just to let me vent so I am forced to keep it all bottled up inside. There are days that I just want to explode and say fuck it and run away but that wouldn't do any good. My heart is breaking more and more everyday and there seems to be nothing to stop it.I'm not even sure that it can be mended at this point, but I'm ever hopeful. I am trying to be a good dad to Tristin when Jen let's me. I'm trying to be a good husband but I seriously doubt that I am. I feel like a failure and just can't seem to do anything right. There are so many things that I want from life but I just can't seem to get them. I had a loving family here but now it seems that it is in jeopardy of being lost forever. I don't know what to do. I wish that all this child support stuff would resolve itself soon and I could just catch a break once in a while. All I can do is keep the faith that God will see me and us through this and we emerge a stronger couple on the other side. Well I've to go and dry my eyes and finish getting ready for work.

On Alert

Well Friday is approaching and James has made some veiled threats in our direction that he is going to try to take Tman. Of course it goes without saying that he might try to come to the house and cause some trouble. Well as a consequence we have alerted the police in town and we are going to send Tman away from the house for the weekend. He won't be going to Jen's dad as this is a prime place for James to go as Jen's dad is sympathetic to him and would let him do what he wants. As James has already proven that he is prone to violence I have checked out all the guns and ensured that they are in good working order and loaded and ready to go. I wouldn't put it past the psycho to come by the house and try something. Last time he was here and thought Jen was alone he pulled out all the phone lines from the box on the outside of the house and pushed the front door in. Of course she wasn't alone there were others here so he just gathered some things and left. I don't relish the thought of doing what I need to do to protect my family but make no mistake I will do what I need to do to protect them from harm.

Feelings

Well today I have many feelings about life. Mostly today I feel sadness and a feeling of fighting an ever mounting tide against me. Lately Jen and I have sort of grown apart due to issues we each are facing. In her case she can't seem to get a dime from her ex. In my case I can't seem to get a reduction and review and yet I am still paying for a child that no longer lives at home. Not to mention the resentment Jen feels towards the situation. Unfortunately it seems to be increasing this huge gap that is growing between us. I'm not sure how to close the gap and keep my marriage from failing. I love Jen with all my heart, soul and everything that I am. I'm hoping that God can help us mend this and bring us back to where we started out. A lot of this comes from my exwife who planted a great seed of hopelessness, doubt, resentment into Jen. Now Jen is trying to fight it off, somedays she does better than others but other days you can see how much of a toll it is taking on her. I keep trying to reassure her that all will be well and all the Douche Bag said was meant to do exactly what is happening. My ex would like nothing better than for me to be unhappy, miserable and alone. I keep telling Jen that we need to try and put this behind us and move on and keep it in the past but that is all easier said than done. Especially when I have a reminder every 2 weeks. I wish for once that I could catch a break and things like this would go my way. I have to trust in God and the plan he has laid for each of us. I love Jen more than I have ever loved anybody in my life. There isn't a moment that goes by that I don't think about her and our life together and where we hope to be one day. Currently we are taking it one day at a time. However that is very hard when you have people on welfare that are living better than you are and just keep telling the world how great life is when their life is because I'm paying for it. I hate excuses from people that things are like this or like that when in fact it is all due to the fact that they are lazy and would rather let others pay for them instead of picking up the check themselves.
Jen and I had a good night, better than we have had in a long time. I am hoping that we can grow back together and become the strong couple that we once were. I am confident that we can but we must be patient. Which is something that isn't easy for Jen or I, we want immediate results. Right now the only thing that is keeping us together is our deep love for one another and our combined love for Tristin who is an innocent bystander in all of this. He is such a great kid that I can't even begin to tell you how great he is or how much I love him. I wish that he were my child and not somebody elses. I do think of him as my own and treat him like my own most time I don't think that he isn't except when pointed out to me by somebody. A father would be proud to have a son like him and I am proud that he thinks of me as his dad.
With time I'm sure that all will be well and we will look back on these days as the darkest in our relationship and use them to build from. However right now it doesn't seem that way. I know there are people out there that have it worse than we do. My friend Davina for one is also going through some dark times as well. All we can do is take one day at a time and prepare for the rain that God will grant us to make us prosper and grow.

Stuff

Well yesterday I got an unexpected phone call from the Governor's office in Tennessee and they are investigating my claims about the firm handeling my CSE case. I also heard back from my case worker in Virgina and they aren't returning his phone call either. I filed for my review back in the beginning of May and here it is almost September and still no action. Jen and I are pretty much fed up and disgusted with the whole Child Support system as a whole. I can't get mine modified as my oldest has turned 18. She can't get a dime for son from a cowardly blob of flesh that is Tristin's father. He intentionally quit his job just so he doesn't have to pay. On the other hand you have my ex that makes about 60k per year plus her husband makes almost 90k and yet she is still pleading poverty and wants more and more money. I'm not sure who to write to next to get some action but I am looking into who else I can contact to get some action. At some point I'm hoping that the system will start to work in Jen's case and my review will get processed hopefully before I've retired.

My Wife

Well let's see where to start about my wife. She is the best thing to ever happen to me. I never thought it possible to be soo in love with somebody, as I am with her, she is so amazing. I have never met anybody that makes me feel like I do when I'm with her. When I'm with her all I want to do is touch her and be near her. Whenever I'm home alone and she isn't here I feel lost and just wander around the house aimlessly. We just seem to fit together if you know what I mean. It's like we were meant for each other. When we are in each other's arms it's like there is nothing wrong in the world and all is right. She is truly the love of my life and the apple of my eye. We have been married for a little over 4 months and it seems like we have been together forever, not in a bad way but in a way like when you know it's supposed to be. I have always thought couples in love were supposed to feel this way. I have been in 2 relationships that never felt right and always left me feeling empty. Now that Jen and I are together I feel like the richest man in the world. I had a boss once that told me that he looked forward to going home to his wife each and every day and that there was no place he would rather be than with her. I remember feeling at the time a feeling of jealousy because I have never felt like that ever. Well now I have a woman that I want to be with 24/7 if I could. I just love feeling her lying in my arms or us just lying on the couch watching tv or walking hand in hand at the mall or the supermarket. She is truly my soulmate, best friend and true love. I love her with all my heart and soul. I do on one hand feel cheated that I wasted most of my life finding her but like she says we weren't ready for each other and we each had to endure our pasts to be where we are today. Did I mention that she is incredibly smart, funny, profound, pretty and well she just turns me on soo much. There is no place I want to be but with her and there is nobody else in the world I want to be with but her. Jen you are the love of my life and my best friend in the whole world I love you with all my heart.

Life in General

Well today as I sit here at my computer I am struck with some thoughts of my family in New Hampshire. A year ago I decided to follow my heart and come to Florida and spend the rest of my life with a wonderful woman who has taught me that true love does exist and loves me unconditionally. Of course that decision wasn't popular with all of my family. Initially my mom was all for the idea but as time grew closer it became a worse idea, my sister never liked the idea, my brother and brother in law were both for it and knew that I really needed to make this move. Well it has been almost a year since I moved here and to this day I have had very little contact with my family at all. My mom isn't talking to me at all, in fact there have been no cards on the usual special occasions like birthday, Christmas, Father's day, etc. I did get gifts from my sister and brother. Recently I have sent her two letters explaining everything and telling her what really happened. It seems my ex told my mom I met Jen online which isn't true, but yet that is exactly where she met her new boyfriend. Well according to my sister my mom still misses me and loves me and wants me back in her life, however I have received no letters, cards or any correspondence whatsoever. I haven't even received and email from my sister. I did receive one from my brother and tried to talk to him about it but he says it's between my mom and I. All of this leaves me with a lot of doubting as to whether they actually love me or are just saying that because it's expected. Until I met Jen I never felt anybody truly loved me or gave a damn about me at all. So I don't know what to think.
I always thought families were supposed to stand behind you no matter what and love you no matter what and take your side over everybody. Well I guess that just isn't true in this case. I have never felt like I belonged with them , I have always felt like the outsider. Maybe it's because I have always thought on my own. I moved out when I was 18 and then joined the Navy at 21 and lived in Virginia until 2000. I moved back to NH in 2001 but it never felt like home even though I grew up there. When I visited Jen in June of last year and as we traveled around I felt like I was home, a feeling I haven't had in over 10 years.
Well it's been a few days since I started this post so let me see if I can capture my thoughts again. I was just doing the dishes and thinking about my family up in NH and some of the things that have been said over the past year. Well where to start let's see, they haven't actually acted friendly enough for Jen to feel comfortable and I already know what they will say when I bring this point up. They will say that they don't know her, but have they even tried ? No they haven't tried at all. I have prayed to God that he will help me fix this but I don't think that my Mom is really willing to make all this better. I was hoping that this could be resolved before my mom passes on but I fear she won't help resolve this at all. She is choosing to hold on to her hate and anger to the end. I keep being struck at how distant I have become from my family over the years even though I lived near them. Nothing I have ever done has really met with any real approval. We don't share the same views, and thoughts that most families share. In essence we are very different people. I'm not really sure that we will ever be truly over this as a family, as they choose to inject their feelings on a situation that really doesn't involve their feelings, other than to like or dislike Jen and Tristin. Out of all my family only my brother in law has truly supported me without any thought and for this I am thankful. I was hoping that my brother and sister would get fed up with my mom's behavior and set her straight but alas it isn't to be. Well only time will tell if they are truly willing to accept and move on past this and except two new exceptional, loving, smart members to the family.
On contrast to all of this is Jen's family. Her mom is very bitter about her own failed relationships and marriages and the circumstances surrounding Jen's separation and divorce from James. In reality her mom has no reason to accept me into the family without anger and malice but yet Jen's whole family and relatives have been nothing short of spectacular, accepting and loving of the whole situation. Especially where Tristin is concerned. They are very loving and have accepted me into the family with open arms. Jen's mom especially has taken me in and seems to love me(of course the oatmeal raisen cookies didn't hurt). She even introduces me as her son in law when she could very easily introduce me as either Keith or Jen's husband. I wish that my family could take a lesson from them and realize that they are being just plain ridiculous about all of this. Sometimes I just want to sit and cry but that would do no good at all and doesn't accomplish much. But alas it's not like I haven't been down this road before. Something very similar happened with my ex wife, after we got married I didn't speak to my family for almost 3 years and even when we did start talking it wasn't much.
I am soooo tired of hearing how much they really care for me and wish me the best and all the other crap and yet I haven't received one single email, letter, card or any other correspondence. So it all really makes me wonder WTF. So as I sit and write this post I am struck at how mysterious God moves and how close to the vest he keeps his plan for each of us. I look back at how Jen and I met and how our relationship has evolved and prospered. We each come from different backgrounds and not to mention different walks of life but here we are. Did God see that Jen needed a loving, devoted husband and Tristin needed a loving dad or was it that he saw what I had become and was about to become and decided that I needed a change and a loving family to save me from drinking and myself destruction? Or was it all of that? Only he knows for sure, and he doesn't tell. I do know that Jen has restored my faith in love and marriage, a faith that was ripped away from me and crushed before my very eyes. Being married to Jen has reminded me of what is truly important in life and what isn't. One day Tristin asked me how much money makes one rich, I replied to him that you don't need money to be rich. Rich is what you make of it. I told him that I had a loving wife (his mom) a loving son (him) and we were all healthy and we were a family then we had riches that are beyond the grasp of many people. I thank God everyday for bringing Jen and Tristin into my life and providing me with an oppurtunity to be the loving husband and dad that I have always wanted to be. I love them with all my heart and soul. They are truly my life and world.

Father's Day

Well today is Fathers day and for the first time ever I actually feel like a father. I got divorced when my kids were small, my son was 8 and my daughter was 5. Even then my then wife never did things for me on Father's day, never really got any cards or gifts or any of the other traditional things you would expect on Father's day. Over the years they never sent me anything for Father's Day, Birthday, or any other holiday. As their mom has always wanted me out of their lives. Well later on I moved in with Tracy and her 4 kids and we were together for 10 years and even they didn't really treat me as their dad. No Father's Day cards or gifts or even wish me a happy Father's Day. Just before we split Tracy told me that the reason she never got me anything for Father's Day was because she didn't know what to get me. Well shit all you had to do was look around the house and you could get ideas everywhere. For instance in the living room I had my collection of over 500 DVD s. She could have gotten me a gift card to a movie store, I love guns and reloading as gift card to my favorite online gun supply store, or even a Cabelas one or one to Walmart . In all my life I have never had a significant other (girlfriend or wife) that has made me feel loved as Jen does. Even though this year money is a little tight and I have to wait for my gift it has been by far the most satisfying Father's Day I have ever had. Tristin my step son (even though he is more my son than my own) as adopted me as his dad. If you read my earlier post then you will know why. Both Jen and Tristin sent me a Father's Day card online, even Jen's mom and her husband Ralph wished me a happy Father's Day. Like I said earlier I have to say that this has been the best Father's Day ever. Not because of cards, gifts or anything material like that. It's all because I am for the first time treated as a Dad and not just as a guy or wallet as I have been in the past. Jen and Tristin I love you guys more than anything in the world and thank you for accepting me into your lives and letting me be not only a husband to you Jen but also a Dad to Tristin since his own father just chooses to ignore him. Here's to many more happy days and memories together.

Saturday

Well today is Saturday and we are all just sitting around watching TV as family. Life doesn't get any better than this. To have a loving wife who is truly in love with you and loves you as much as you love her and isn't afraid to show it. Plus her son as adopted me as his dad as his real doesn't want anything to do with him. As each day goes by I thank god that he made our paths cross. A year ago I would have never thought it possible that I would be here and have such a loving wife. There are times when you know things are right, well here are some examples. Before Jen I would wake up every night around 2am and stay up until 4 am or so and then go back to bed for a couple of hours then off to work. Now I sleep through the night every night. Once at work I would feel relaxed and love being at work. Now all I want to do is finish my day and hurry home. Another sign was I would eat Rolaids like they were candy. I would go through a large bottle in about a week. Plus when I got home I would have 4 or 5 drinks and we're not talking about wimpy drinks it would be scotch or DiSarono. It would take me about a couple of days to finish of a fifth. Now I hardly drink at all and I really have no desire to drink at all.
When I first moved here to Florida with Jen it felt like I had always lived here. Of course I didn't know my way around but thanks to Tom Tom that is getting easier. When Jen and I first got together there was no awkwardness that you get when you meet somebody new. It was like we had always been together. Jen is the first person that I have been with that seems to "fit" with me. Whenever we are apart it feels like a part of me is missing and I don't feel "whole" again until I get home to her and Tristin. There are no words to describe how much I love Jen. She is unlike anybody I have ever known. Whenever I'm home alone I feel lost and just sort of wander the house until she gets home. Hell unless she is in the bed with me I can't sleep, I have never had trouble sleeping in bed alone before. She is my whole world and universe.

A new day

Well today is a new day, a day to be proud of my wife. In case you don't know it she is a school teacher. A pretty amazing one at that. Well the ruling is just in and her school was graded an A by the county and a B by the state plus her school made Annual Yearly Progress or AYP, I am so proud of her. She is a great teacher and mentor to her kids there. She just attended a class on using the smartboard in her classroom and she is working on some lessons to utilize it's full potential. She is the greatest in the world.

My Wife

Jennifer right now you are sleeping and I'm glad as you need your rest. I love you more than you could possibly know. You are my whole world and universe. You give my life purpose that it lacked before. We talked about a lot of stuff last night and I still get the feeling that you don't believe me. The only things I think about are you, Tristin, and our life together. You keep thinking that you aren't good enough for anybody. Well I'm not good enough for you. I am trying my best to be the husband and father you want for you and Tristin. However I feel like I am falling short. I have never loved anybody as much as I love you. There isn't a second that goes by that I don't think about you and our life together. I told you last night that the happiest times I have ever had were with you and you find that hard to believe. Well it's very true. You are my world and universe. I wish I could do more for you and us. I would tell you to be patient and my support will be lowered and I will get promoted but you have waited and been patient long enough. Patience and waiting isn't something that I'm good at. I want us to be a happy couple and love each other more in 20 years that we do now (though I don't think we could love each other more but I fall deeper in love with you every day.). I am hoping that someday we can put all this behind us and be the happy family that we have both longed for our entire lives. You are my best friend, soulmate, and true love, not to mention my freckle mate and bug bunny/mushy french fry mate. :) Jennifer I love you with all my heart and soul.

Well another day is upon us. I'm having a lot of feelings about my past. I wish that I could bury the past forever but it just seems to keep haunting me. I have an exwife that insists that when we have talked in the past it was never about money and she keeps telling me and everybody that she doesn't need my money but yet what is she calling for? Yup you guessed it MONEY. Now matter how much she gets it isn't enough. Currently she gets about 1200 per month. She makes about 55k per year. I only make about 24k per year and I only bring home about 400 per month.
Now let's look at Jen who makes about 22oo per month and we have to scrimp and make do just so Tristin can have a somewhat normal life and his dad who proclaims his love for him can't even be bothered to call or write, let alone pay child support or send any money for him because it would go to Jen and god forbid money go to Jen so that she could get Tristin things he needs. However he has no problems with Mona's kids and having a good time with them. Boy he sure looks like he is suffering. The child support system is so fucked up that you wouldn't believe it. One time she calls and gets told that they are seeking legal action against him in the form of a warrant and then she gets and IDO in the mail along with a child support check. Cool right you would think that the system is working right? Wrong she calls in the other day gets somebody different and got a whole other story about how the IDO was cancelled because the State's attorney issued a new one and to call back a couple of days after her support is due. So she calls back and gets now a whole new story and pretty much the IDO from the state's attorney's office pretty much isn't worth the paper is printed on and she will have to wait 30 days because that's how long it takes per their guidelines and then they will send out a late notice. Then he tells her that one maybe one reason is because he doesn't work at that employer anymore. So in essence he is intentionally not working just so he doesn't have to pay child support. So will anything happen to him? Probably not, he like many other deadbeats will just walk away scott free and go on and live their new life and then profess how much they love their kids and how much it hurts to think about them but yet they are living high off the hog while their kids suffer. The only thing that the kids have done in all of this is have a deadbeat for a father.
I don't know of any other options open to Jen, she/we don't have the money for an attorney. It seems the one agency created to cure this problem is absolutely worthless. James had intentionally left the state and is in fact in hiding just to avoid being found.The federal laws that are in place are just a joke and only punish the guys who pay their support and doesn't do squat to those that don't. So for all the stories I hear about how many states don't play around with support I only can say BULL you know what. IF you want see what a deadbeat looks like here you go.


Dead Beat Dad James E. Smith who lives somewhere in the Harvest Alabama area. Currently about $2600.oo behind in support and won't even email, call, or write to his son.

Me

Well I've just started this blog. I will add more later on as time permits.