Update

Well I'm still here so I have decided to stay. Jen and I are back to talking again which is good. I wish I express to Jen how I feel about DB and other things but no matter what I tell her she doesn't believe me. One of the reasons I am a little apprehensive about going back to NH is that I really want to cut off all traces of my life before Jen and T. There is really nobody there that I really have to see. Yes I need to see my mom one last time.
After all this Child Support stuff is over with I don't want to hear about or heard mention or referral to DB, Matthew, Alexis, or Gregg. I don't care, they are responsible for driving a spike deep into my heart and forever severing all feelings toward them. To me they are dead and long gone. I wish it was different but DB has done a thorough job of that.
My only remaining hope is that Jen and I can live a life that we have both dreamed of for so long and raise Tristin as our child instead of her child. It saddens me that I fear that will never happen as somehow fate as determined that it's not in the cards for me. Not sure why but just the way I feel. I would love more than anything for Tristin to be mine but only time will tell if that happens or not. Well another day at the grind coming up. Why is it that whenever I have to head into work I always have this feeling of dread and foreboding come over me? Not sure why. I do know that once I'm off and get home my heart rejoices that I'm home with the woman I love more than life itself. I just wish she would understand how much I love her and just what she means to me. For most of my life I have been shit on and passed over and kicked down just so someone could feel more important or satisfy their agenda.
With Jen I have none of those feelings for the first time in my life I am sooo connected to someone on a level that I cannot even begin to explain. When we are apart my heart aches and all I do is think about her or some of the times we have shared together. She is my life and my one true reason for being.
Well it's time to head off to the evil place I will write more later on.
Jennifer if you read this I love you with all my heart and soul and every thing that I am and ever will be. I love you.