Feelings

Well today I have many feelings about life. Mostly today I feel sadness and a feeling of fighting an ever mounting tide against me. Lately Jen and I have sort of grown apart due to issues we each are facing. In her case she can't seem to get a dime from her ex. In my case I can't seem to get a reduction and review and yet I am still paying for a child that no longer lives at home. Not to mention the resentment Jen feels towards the situation. Unfortunately it seems to be increasing this huge gap that is growing between us. I'm not sure how to close the gap and keep my marriage from failing. I love Jen with all my heart, soul and everything that I am. I'm hoping that God can help us mend this and bring us back to where we started out. A lot of this comes from my exwife who planted a great seed of hopelessness, doubt, resentment into Jen. Now Jen is trying to fight it off, somedays she does better than others but other days you can see how much of a toll it is taking on her. I keep trying to reassure her that all will be well and all the Douche Bag said was meant to do exactly what is happening. My ex would like nothing better than for me to be unhappy, miserable and alone. I keep telling Jen that we need to try and put this behind us and move on and keep it in the past but that is all easier said than done. Especially when I have a reminder every 2 weeks. I wish for once that I could catch a break and things like this would go my way. I have to trust in God and the plan he has laid for each of us. I love Jen more than I have ever loved anybody in my life. There isn't a moment that goes by that I don't think about her and our life together and where we hope to be one day. Currently we are taking it one day at a time. However that is very hard when you have people on welfare that are living better than you are and just keep telling the world how great life is when their life is because I'm paying for it. I hate excuses from people that things are like this or like that when in fact it is all due to the fact that they are lazy and would rather let others pay for them instead of picking up the check themselves.
Jen and I had a good night, better than we have had in a long time. I am hoping that we can grow back together and become the strong couple that we once were. I am confident that we can but we must be patient. Which is something that isn't easy for Jen or I, we want immediate results. Right now the only thing that is keeping us together is our deep love for one another and our combined love for Tristin who is an innocent bystander in all of this. He is such a great kid that I can't even begin to tell you how great he is or how much I love him. I wish that he were my child and not somebody elses. I do think of him as my own and treat him like my own most time I don't think that he isn't except when pointed out to me by somebody. A father would be proud to have a son like him and I am proud that he thinks of me as his dad.
With time I'm sure that all will be well and we will look back on these days as the darkest in our relationship and use them to build from. However right now it doesn't seem that way. I know there are people out there that have it worse than we do. My friend Davina for one is also going through some dark times as well. All we can do is take one day at a time and prepare for the rain that God will grant us to make us prosper and grow.