Christmas

Well the Christmas season is upon us and again I'm very disappointed. I feel like I've let Jen and Tristin down. I can't get them anything I want to. I feel like I'm just a burden to them and I'm one of those guys that just spends all of Jen's money and then says oh well. I don't like asking for anything as it makes me feel bad. I love Jen and Tristin with all my heart and soul. We had a great weekend last weekend. Jen and I relaxed in bed and watched some movies and were able to reconnect with each other. Something we haven't really been able to do lately. Then yesterday it all came crashing down as we were overdrawn and since my ex gets most of my check it once again created tension between us. What confuses me is that one minute Jen says to let it go and just pay her and then she says "well when your reduction goes through" etc. . At this point I'm hoping and praying that it will go through. In the meantime Tristin and Jen are having to do without because of me. I don't like that at all. There is so much that I want for us but am unable to as I don't make enough and the hours that I have aren't conducive to a second job. I wish I knew where to turn. She tells me that I'm not a burden and yet I still feel like one, how do I overcome that? She also tells me that Debby will always be in my life. I don't think so, once child support is over I'm changing all the phone numbers and not giving them out. That part of my life is over and in the past and that is where it will stay is in the past.
On another note Jen is really troubled by my past. She is under the impression that I have slept with hundreds of women when in fact it probably doesn't equal 10 total. Yes I did sleep with a couple of women in Ohio when I was out there for training but that was maybe 3 women total. I keep telling her that I didn't go to Ohio as often as she thinks I did. I only went there about 10 times and like I said only had the 3. She is greatly troubled by this and I don't know how to put her at ease. Hopefully with time she will she that she has nothing to worry about. I love Jen with all my heart. After our talk last weekend I find it hard to believe that somebody else has pretty much had the same past as I had. Never good enough and pretty much taken for granted. She keeps telling me that I know everything. Well truth of it is what I know I've had to teach myself as there was nobody to teach me. What I've learned I've had to so that I could get by. Jen makes me out to be this great worldly person when in fact I'm just some guy getting by. Well enough for now I've some things to do around the house before I head out to work.